


Your Playlist is Therapy

by theseus_my_beloved



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Absent Parents, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Child Neglect, Daddy Issues, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Inspired by Music, Lonely TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Mentioned Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Mommy Issues, No beta we die like Phil's love for his sons, Parent Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Songfic, Therapy, TommyInnit Needs a Hug (Video Blogging RPF)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-16 09:15:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28704270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theseus_my_beloved/pseuds/theseus_my_beloved
Summary: Fuck you Phil.I love you, Mother.I do in fact have orphan energy, Techno. I can't believe I only recongnize it when I'm listening to the same playlist.or;Tommy uses music and some pseudo therapy to deal with his Mommy and Daddy Issues.
Relationships: Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF)/Other(s), TommyInnit & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 124





	Your Playlist is Therapy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cowboysapnap](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cowboysapnap/gifts).



> Read Tags. Enjoy :)

Your Top 5 Songs of 2020 

1\. Daddy Issues by The Neighborhood  
2\. Class of 2013 by Mitsuki   
3\. Jubilee Line by Wilbur   
4\. Your Sister was Right by Wilbur   
5\. Hurt by Oliver Tree 

The Spotify wrapped 2020 glared at Tommy. The way it seemed to just stare into his soul. The way it caused emotions. The way it caused guilt and sadness. An awful way to spend his time, surely. Then again it was such a pretty arkwork. An amazing work of editing that copy and pasted the same data for 3 million spotify users. The way that the same melody of Daddy Issues seemed to send thick ice water into his bones. 

Make it 242 plays. Welled played, The Neighborhood. Well played.

Tommy wasn't one to cry. Obviously. He was a big man. The biggest man around. The only thing that seemed to get him everytime was specific lines from specific songs. In his defense it always was the ones that reminded him of his shitty excuse of a Father and a distant Mother. As far as he recognized though, He had no parents. Only half hearted bloodless sibling dynamics. It wasn't many. 

Fuck you Phil. 

I love you, Mother. 

I do in fact have orphan energy, Techno. I can't believe I only recongnize it when I'm listening to the same playlist.

Social Sabotage was something that he looked up and self diagnosed himself with. Nevermind. He couldn't even read the definition correctly. So he made his own. Social Sabotages was just a cooler sounding term. Maybe he could mention it whenever he was man enough to admit to actual therapy. Rather than the lyrics of "Never get to know" and "Welcome to Castle Irwell."

"Go ahead and cry little boy." 

"Mom, Would you wash by back?" 

"The walls don't fucking love you." 

"Don't trust english boys, with far too much free time." 

"I'm sorry if I hurt you, I'm sorry if it got that bad. Somebody should have had your back."

"You should have raised a little girl; I should have been a better son." 

"I'm showing all the warning signs. I don't wanna lose my mind." 

As if on command, tears started rolling down his face, again. 

Thoughts of venting through his words seemed to be both possible and impossible He could, definitely. His voice worked, but it didn't work how he wanted. 

He could joke about it and downplay it. He could make poetry through metaphores. He could draw elaborate ways to kill his father. He could talk about how much he wants to feel safe in his mothers arms. 

Yet he always found his way to the same songs. The same songs on repeat. 

Spotify wasn't therapy. He knew this. But it damn felt like it. 

It seemed like a place he could go to vent about wanting to bash his fathers skull in for daring to hurt anyone. It wasn't in his fathers right to ever hurt him. To hurt anyone. One day he could make him pay. He would find him in the back of a drug van. He would finally use the baseball skills that his father and drilled into his brain and beat him over the heat with. He could repay the favor, with just a little more blood. The sloppily stappled father made scar on top of his head made him want to vomit. 

The feeling of vomiting could only last so long. 

With a new song, came a new set of thoughts. A new inspiration. A new motivation. 

The words of if I'll finish this came to my head. 

Would any of my thoughts reach beyond a temporary thought of internet security? 

Would any of matter in the end. 

Sometimes he wonders if his parents drink. Scratch that. He knows they drink. At least his mom drinks. He's seen her take a sip of some alcoholic beverage in the car while driving. If anxiety could cause a crash, Tommy was the only one thinking about it. It's a stupid thought but it still invades his mind like crazy whenever his mother asks him to grab some Beer he never bothered to learn the name of. Because the car could crash at any minute. Everything could crash. 

Sometimes he wonders if Phil drinks. He never saw him personally drink, but he had the hope that maybe his father had the decency to not blame his alcoholic tendencies and gambling addiction on him. Or was that only his mom? Sometimes he hopes that Phil drinks. Maybe he'd end up in the bathtub, passed out in the morning, then maybe he could give his son the time of day. Or maybe he'd die in the tub and maybe Tommy would cry at his funeral. He'd never know. Because Father never drinks. But Phil was never big on being sneaky with his secrets. No point of lying about skeletons if the closet door is right open.

Father and Mother never told him they loved Tommy. A sad thought when he thought about it. He never liked to think about it. But as "Aesthetic? More like Ass-Pathetic?" lyrics became more emotional, so did Tommy. 

Music could never give Tommy hugs. "Arcade" damn well felt like it though. It was the first addition to the "Therapy" Playlist and it ever disappointed Tommy. He always stopped his thoughts when it came on. It was a therapeutic song. One song he found through an animatic during some phase he could never remember. But the song stuck. It always did. It was therapy, yet only a app away. Music always was an app away.

Sometimes he wished he had people to tell his problems too. Maybe then he could articulate it better. If he wasn't such a coward, he'd yell at his dad and run out of the house. Like in some Minecraft AU on Tumblr. But this wasn't a Minecraft AU. These were real problems. 

He wished he had real people.

But music was someone who always listened.

**Author's Note:**

> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2BNXEdfu5Ef59QhDRIBILD?si=kyEAFmTGTfOV4BgneLbDXg


End file.
